Sun., May 12, 2002 (Orientation Day)

For most cyclists, today would kick off the day of a journey towards a change in their lives and the lives of others. Today was Orientation Day where cyclists checked in their bikes. They were briefed on safety procedures and life in camp, given their identification bracelets and their tent assignments. For some, it was a little nerve-wracking because they were lacking in pledges. I hope they got to ride. I was fortunate that I didn't have to "pledge beg" this year and last year.

For me, AIDS/LifeCycle started yesterday. Saturday morning began with the volunteer meeting for Orientation Day and Day 1 volunteers - I was the volunteer captain for pledge office crowd control. We captains got a sneak preview of the safety video since the AV crew was testing it out in the theatre where we held the volunteer meeting.

After the volunteer meeting, I spent some time at a BBQ for one of the cyclists, John Van Savage. I was the speaker for his houseparty about a month ago. His father flew in from upstate New York to be a roadie helping out in lunch pit (good to know) while John pedaled the 600 miles. I throughly enjoyed a meal of white hot dogs, only found in Rochester, New York and John's mom's homemade hot sauce.

Then buzzed off for a bottle of San Pelegrino and chit chat at Cafe Flore in the Castro with Michael Stubbs, a cyclist from LA whom I exchanged e-mails with. Then off to Harvey's South of Market to meet my fellow Team Uffda members and some Positive Pedalers. I did enjoy my martini and good company and yes, Jan Olson aka Ma. Belive Uffda (Ma. is shorthand for Maria) is taller than me by a few inches.

Today I woke up at 4am to bake a few dozen scones. The scones became a running joke after Richard "Ma. Kitty Bjorn Mari Kae Uffda" Kirkham posted an e-mail on the listserve before the Primavera Century that I was going to bake scones. I did, however, bake scones for the last training ride in Napa. Thanks to Sticky Fingers Bakery scone mix. I had to hunt around for that stuff.

Drove over to USF to start my shift, bike in the trunk. I had my hair in my characteristic pigtails, the same in the picture. I was originally going to take MUNI but the bus didn't have a bike rack - drats! At first, I was stressed out, wondering where to store my bike while I did my shift, wondering where my volunteers were. Luckily, the rest of my volunteers were upstairs waiting for me.

For me, when I am really stressed out, I become very focused and tunnel visioned and I literally would walk over to where I needed to go at a pace that shows that one should get out of their way. I zoned out and I know I missed a few people who wanted to say hello. I totally apologize if that happened when I was delivering my bike to bike parking.

It was great seeing so many friends, some from CAR 8, some from training rides, some from Speakers Bureau speaking engagements. Some even went up to me and asked if I was the Edna that made scones or posted silly and goofy postings on the listserve. I even got a few presents- a Team Apocalypse t-shirt and a big old box of Corn Flakes from Mike and Ellen Langowski. The day was spent taking pictures, giving hugs, catching up on gossip and soothing nerves.

After my shift finished, I waited outside of USF's Memorial Gym for my tentmate Linda, who lives in Petaluma, about an hour or so away from San Francisco). We then went through orientation together. Turned in the proper forms and I even turned in a few pledges. I thought I could get the free jersey if I turned in $5,000 but I didn't quite make it. However, I did win a free jersey that Cycle Buddy Stephen Cadby was raffling off at the Napa Training ride. After Linda and I watched the safety video, and got our tent assignment (we're in the Team Uffda section since I am part of Team Uffda as Ma. Anni-Frida), we grabbed a bite to eat over at All You Knead on Haight Street before dropping her off at her friend's place in the Mission.

I'm a lot more prepared this time. I think it's because I put so much time riding and training. Since January, a program of spinning twice a week, commuting 8 miles from home to work and back a few times a week, training rides every weekend, weight training twice a week, yoga once a week and swimming laps twice a week. I stopped swimming when I fell onto the pavement after my tire got caught on a Cal Train track in March.

I am a lot stronger mentally as well. It seems as if only yesterday, when I first heard about AIDS/LifeCycle back in October, I was ecstatic. I switched over my registration from California AIDS Ride 9 to AIDS/LifeCycle because I wanted to support my local AIDS service organization, the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. I remembered bearing the cold December rain to be greeted in a warm room of friends and like-minded others who decided to be part of this inaugural event.

5 months ago, I didn't think I would even have the strength to make it where I am. I lost a lot more than three teeth, suffered road rash and a busted lip when I fell off my bike on Christmas Day. Yet, it was a few like-minded and kind individuals who happened to be on a training ride with me that helped picked me up and take me to both Kaiser Permanente and UCSF. That accident changed my life in the sense that I realized what was important to me. Doing AIDS/LifeCycle was part of that.

It wasn't easy for me to get back onto my bike and start training. An easy 20-mile ride felt like hard labor. Yet, it was that group of committed individuals and my will to go on and do this that helped me get around Lake Merced via the Great Highway and conquer a few Presidio Hills back in late January.

As I got onto my bike more and more and rode on more training rides, my strength came back. I was still fearful I was behind because of missing a month of training while recovering from my accident. I began to appreciate and love how the world looks from a seat of a bicycle and discover a love for the place I now call home, San Francisco.

Am I excited? yes. Am I nervous? Oh yes. But now this ride has a lot more meaning. I know that things are going to be really great. I know that I am doing more than just moving my muscles but exercising my heart towards a cure to end AIDS.

I'm actually writing things about Day 1 at 4am this morning on Day 2. It's 4am now and my body is used to getting up at 5am or getting 6 hours of sleep, whatever comes first. Regardless, it's early.

Yesterday morning seemed like any typical weekend morning for me since the early of January this year - get up, fill my Camelback with water, fill my water bottle with Gatorade, pack up my snacks of 2 bananas, 2 Luna bars and two boiled eggs in my Camelback, maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on 7 grain bread, get dressed in cycling shorts and a jersey, put sunscreen on my body and Chamois Butter where the chamois on my shorts would rub, write in my journal, eat a meal of oatmeal and a poached egg and orange juice and go off for a training ride.

Except that yesterday wasn't a training ride - it was the real thing, AIDS/LifeCycle.

Yeah, yesterday kicked it all off. My roommate Michael who was on his way to the airport for a business trip to Portland dropped me off at USF. He was so bummed that he couldn't see me ride off.

It was cold even with legwarmers, a vest, my AIDS/LifeCycle jersey, cycling shorts and knee warmers. We waited awhile until the gear truck opened and then loaded my gear. I caught a hold of my tent mate Linda and she wasn't a happy camper. She felt nauseous and didn't sleep too great. I didn't sleep too great myself. I guess it's just nerves. I managed to talk to a few people and found a few folks that remembered me from CAR 8 say hello to me. We stayed in the gym next to Nogoseco field to keep warm. I huddled near Ken, Charmaine, Brenda and her husband and a few other cyclists. Ken brought his wife and 8-year-old son (who was still tired) to opening ceremonies. I was peppy and a little energetic but out of nerves.

So it was a short and sweet opening ceremony. Mark Dunlop of Positive Pedalers asked us to close our eyes and remember why we ride. I closed my eyes and reflected. Before AIDS/LifeCycle, my reasons for riding happened to be more general and altruistic - educating the public about HIV and AIDS in the Filipino community. But, ever since I met Ben Goldstein, fellow cyclist and online journal writer, he and a number of others are why I ride. The money I raised are what helps to keep Ben, Robert, Linus, Mark and countless others to survive at the Foundation.

I went back to my bike to find a ribbon tied onto my handlebars. I read the card attached to the ribbon. It was to remind us of how to make the AIDS/LifeCycle and write a name and tie it onto the LifeCycle wheels that follow the cyclists along the journey. That was a nice surprise.

As I rode out of USF and into Golden Gate Park, I took in the beauty of the city I call home, San Francisco, knowing that for 7 days, I will be traveling down the state to Los Angeles to take in the beauty of this state and at the same time, do something noble in the fight against AIDS.

As we were approaching the hill over the Great Highway to Skyline Blvd where Lake Merced is, it was as if I saw this little film of me and Ben on his first training ride. I was the sweep for that ride and Ben seemed so terrified of that hill. A sweatshirt kept him warm on that February day and he wore khaki shorts with the sweatshirt. Someone lent him a helmet and his bike was an old pink and green Giant mountain bike. Ben wasn't sure if he could ride up that hill but he did without getting off the bike and walking it. He shouted with glee when he got up that hill.

I looked at the ribbon tied on my bike and it was pink, almost the same shade as the bike Ben rode in. I looked at the ribbon once in awhile as I went down Skyline. Ben now rides a sea green Bianchi road bike. I remembered how much he has been my personal angel, showing me that he was a normal person who cycles, plays the piano, and likes eating Filipino food and who happens to have AIDS. As I kept on riding, I imagined that there was a string connecting me and Ben, him pulling me along in front, me in the back. Then we would change positions - me pulling him along and him pushing me along. I did look up from my handlebars and I did see Ben in front of me in his trusty Bianchi. I reminded cyclists firmly but gently to call out as they passed cyclists.

I thought about this imaginary line with me and Ben expanded and grew to three cyclists riding in single file. As I kept on riding, I remembered the Easter training ride to Tiburon. I remembered how Paul Phojanakong (Ben's Cycle Buddy), Ben and I were riding up the Golden Gate Bridge towards Marin County. All three of us, single file, in a line - Paul in front, Ben in the middle and me in the back - Paul pulling me and Ben, me pushing Ben and Paul, and Ben being supported by me and Paul's strength, encouragement and support.

Soon that line began to expand even more adding more and more cyclists, adding the roadies and the AIDS/LifeCycle staff, all pushing and pulling each other and helping each other.

Rest stops were great for socializing and taking photos. It was great to see Lorri, who was the training ride leader when I had my cycling accident, congratulate me for coming into the water stop at Sawyer Camp trail. After leaving the trail and after cycling up Trousdale drive (*sigh* that hill that was horrendous but luckily I climbed that before) it was off to Highway 92 then Skyline Blvd again for a lot more climbing. A whole lot more climbing.

Usually when I know I have a big hill coming up, I would gear down to my lowest gear on my bike and then start thinking of my favorite songs in my head. Soon I was chanting a mantra of what my instructor Giselle would say in spin class - push, pull, lift, kick - the mechanics of the pedal stroke. I took deep breaths. I remembered Paul's advice of being "neat" on the bike - not pulling on the handlebars when I climbed and not shifting side to side on my bike and staying seated in the saddle. It seemed like the climb was never ending and I started cussing profusely in Tagalog, wanting to know when the next rest stop would come up. I wanted salty snacks and Gatorade, I was running low on Gatorade. I got into Rest Stop 2, feeling relieved to see food and getting photos with Ginger Brulee and the Chicken Lady.

Soon, it was a nice downhill until we hit some strong headwinds. I came into lunch a little crabby from the climb and the headwinds.

I sat with Anna and Erin and we munched on sandwiches and pasta salad. Erin and Anna were going to sag it into camp and I decided to move on. When I got into lunch, Tom, a cyclist I've seen on several training rides, asked me how I felt. I said I felt fine. Then he asked me how I really felt. I told him that I felt like crap and I wanted food.

After we got out of the lunch stop, ambulances and fire trucks started coming. We cyclists were held up on the hill outside of the lunch stop for a bit. Warren, one of the sweeps, was passing out Red Vines to help pass the time and warning people about poison ivy. He strongly advised us to go up that hill single file, keep about 3 bike lengths apart and not to pass. Earlier at the lunch pit, Warren was cracking jokes left and right and making me laugh in stitches until I literally had to pee.

I'm glad I gave that pledge to Mike Langowski, a fellow cyclist and a friend of Warren and his partner Jim. Mike and his wife Ellen are from Southern California and are riding for the LA Gay and Lesbian Center (LAGLC). The Jeffrey Goodman Clinic at LAGLC is where Warren goes for affordable treatment and drugs. Since I gave Mike a sizable pledge, Mike and Ellen gave me the biggest box of Corn Flakes at Orientation Day. It was last year at CAR 8's Day Zero where I stood in front of Safeway across from Fort Mason where Day Zero was held, eating a bowl of Corn Flakes and waiting for someone to drop me a batch of pledges where I met Mike, Ellen, Warren and Jim.

Later I found out the ambulances and fire truck were for a cyclist who had a heart attack and I found out at camp that this person died on the scene after efforts to revive him. His name was Tom, resided in San Francisco and was 57 years old. I wondered if it was the same Tom on training rides.

After getting out of the lunch stop and cycling for a few miles, I felt a sharp pain on my inner right thigh. I stopped to flag down a sweep vehicle so I can have the medical tent look it over. The sweeps happened to be Art and Bill. I knew Art from Bike Parking last year and Bill was a fellow rider last year. We went into the 3rd rest stop where we were greeted by the smell of horse poop - the rest stop had a holding area for horses. I went over to the medical tent and took some motrin and iced my thigh for a few minutes. It started to hurt a little more so I decided to take the bus to camp. Jim and I went in where Stasha and Caroline were already in the bus. Caroline, Stasha and I chatted for awhile until we got into camp.

After the bus rolled into camp, I showered and went to dinner, bought an AIDS/LifeCycle baseball cap and fleece. People kept on stopping and asking me if I was the Edna Flores on the list server that made scones. (Thanks Ma. Kitty!)

The hardest part for me was taking out my teeth to soak them overnight. After the cycling accident on Christmas, I had to get a partial bridge to replace the teeth I lost. At first I felt so self conscious talking to Maria Elena and Ken but they were fine with it. They totally understood. I think by the end of the week, I'll be ok with soaking my teeth and talking to people without them.

OK, off I go to get ready for another day of cycling.

This morning after writing in my journal, getting dressed and eating a breakfast of yogurt, granola and egg frittata, Toby, a fellow cyclist I've been training with on some training rides, and I rode out. I had a lot of things on my mind this morning, particularly a lot of personal stuff I don't wish to disclose on this journal. So here I was on my bike, debating what to do with this situation. I was surprised when I rode into Rest Stop one this morning. It was after about 15 miles which didn't seem that long.

So I went to get some snacks and to pee. I had to remember to stretch out my quads which were tight yesterday. Shelby at Sports Medicine recommended that I do stretch and before I left, my tent neighbor Martin was giving me the finer points on tree pose and downward facing dog. I have been taking yoga since the beginning of this year to supplement my training. So, I was stretching at Rest Stop one, standing on one leg while stretching the other, you know, standing like a flamingo. You're supposed to stay stationary but I kept on hopping around like a pogo stick. Toby asked me if he could hold my helmet and I kept on hopping ... boinga boinga boinga. Before I knew it, Paul went over to me and held me down by my Camelback so that I could stand still and stretch my quads.

Before I left the first rest stop, I ran into Mike and Ellen. Ellen asked me why I gave such a generous pledge. I told her the story about Day 6 on California AIDS Ride 8. I didn't ride that day and I was so bummed for not riding. I was walking around with a long face where Jim, Warren's partner, saw me. He asked me what was wrong and I asked him if I was still a rider even though I didn't ride all of the miles. Jim thought that was a silly question and he said what I did was helping keep Warren alive, by supporting the Jeffrey Goodman Clinic at LAGLC where they do HIV testing and treatment and dispense affordable AIDS drugs. Ellen thanked me for my generosity and support.

So I rode off. Today the route included some sections where we passed through the fields were migrant workers were picking fruit. I thought about the back-breaking labor they do - waking up at the break of dawn for long hours, the hot sun beating on their backs. I remembered about a study that UC Irvine was doing during my senior year on HIV and AIDS prevention to migrant workers and wondering what would be the best method of educating Latino migrant workers about HIV and AIDS.

Talking about HIV and AIDS is a difficult subject for many communities but not speaking out about the subject only makes it worse. Back when AIDS broke out in the early 1980s, President Ronald Reagan said this about AIDS, saying that it was a disease like measles, it will go away. Over 20 years later and numerous people dead, has AIDS gone away? Will it ever go away? What I have seen from a result from our public leaders from the early days of the epidemic is too many people dying.

There was the artichoke stand in Castroville and John and I stopped and snacked on steamed artichokes and a variety of sauces - I had dill and lemon sauce and John had garlic. We started talking about cute guys and scoping them out at the lunch pit. I saw Jan at the artichoke stand and she did not look too happy. She was thinking of sagging it at lunch. She left before I did and we both wished each other a safe ride.

This year has been nice because I got to know a lot of people from Southern California, mostly Team Uffda members through Jan and the list server. I also got to know one of the Los Angeles Cycle Buddies, Bill aka Sven Ula Uffda. Bill and I joke around a lot. He actually used to race professionally.

The ride for the whole day was pretty nice. No big hills. Nice flats, nice tailwinds. Lunch was pretty good with the 8 grain rollup and pasta salad. I ran into Alicia, one of the gals at the medical tent who treated me last year. She gave me a card thanking her for helping her out during a time of need. She was telling people how I evolved from a rider who was unsure of herself and had a small shred of self esteem to one who is confident and knows what to expect and how to handle things on AIDS/LifeCycle. I think I owe that a lot from my accident that brought out that latent bit of strength and confidence. I still do feel unsure about a lot of things but I have a better handle on them now.

Each rest stop has a particular theme. Like for example, one rest stop had a day spa theme, another one was hell (as in Dante's Inferno hell), one theme was the circus, another one was Peter Pan…you get the drift. Rest Stop 4 was nice because I was heating up and they had a spritz bottle on hand where I sprayed my face and hair and arms. There were two Latino men selling ice cream at the rest stop and I opted for a mango fruit and cream bar. I filled up with water and Gatorade (you can never hydrate too much) and rode off.

On the side of the road about 6 miles away from camp, there was a woman dressed up in a cigarette girl outfit and she was giving away homemade cookies and Red Vines. Those unofficial pit stops are the best where people would come out and give treats to us cyclists. A chocolate chip cookie hit the spot. I then rode off.

Around 3 miles before I hit camp, the headwinds started kicking in. I remembered a fellow cyclist, Shannon, tell me at Rest Stop 4 today that she was knocked off her bike last year because the winds were so strong. So as they started hitting, I held tightly onto my handlebars and started chanting over and over, "Hold that line, hold that line, hold that line." I held on and pedaled, concentrating on getting into camp, saying my mantra louder and louder as I got closer and closer and the winds kicked it in harder and harder. When I got in, I was literally in tears. Just riding in that wind literally drained me mentally. A young gentleman, a roadie, took me in and put his arm around me and walked my bike over to bike parking and walked me over to my tent where Linda was there, tent set up and all. I literally crashed into the tent and then rested for a few minutes before getting my stuff to shower and fresh clothes to wear.

Ken, Greg (Ken's tent mate) and I walked over to dinner together. It was pretty tasty - tofu with chow mein noodles, veggies and spinach salad with almonds, fried chow mein noodles and mandarin orange slices. Linda already ate when I got in around 5:30pm. After eating, I saw Toby and we walked over toward media relations since I wanted to type up my journal. Toby had to get a heat pad at the medical tent. We saw Erin laying there at the medical tent. She was dehydrated. I walked over to her and visited. She was drinking Gatorade and we chatted for a bit. I then went to get some food for Erin when I was sidetracked. I soon realized that I forgot Erin's food and sprinted over to the dinner line. Before I knew it, I saw Toby and Erin chatting and eating. They sat me down and gave me advice on my situation I was going through this morning and all of last week.

My challenge this week is to keep focused on the ride and why I ride. I think seeing Ben and meeting a lot of Positive Pedalers, hearing Warren crack jokes and wisecracks and looking at the pink ribbon on my bicycle handles will help me stay focused.

It's getting late. Tomorrow is another day of cycling, hill climbing, tailwinds and socializing. Until then. :-)

P.S. The Tom who passed away was NOT the Tom I knew on training rides. He was at bike parking this morning, stretching and looking for his bike.

Day 3 is usually the hardest day of the ride because it is sooooo hot!!! Even though AIDS/LifeCycle is in May as opposed to June, yesterday felt like an oven.

Since I wrote so much the night before, I had a late start yesterday morning. I was cracking jokes with my fellow Team Uffda tentmates. I finally met my tentmates to my right. A few of us were wondering who was the person who was snoring and keeping people up. Even though you have earplugs, you still can hear them snore.

Greenfield was pretty windy. As I was typing away my journal the other night, I saw a gopher poke out of his hole. It reminded me of the airfield on Oceano that was one of the campsites for CAR 8.

Usually when I am at the rest stops, lunch, dinner, and breakfast, I would talk and socialize, catch up with people I have met from last year's ride and/or the list server. They ask me if I am the famous Edna Flores aka Anni-Frida Uffda that makes scones. That is why I end up going out early so I can have enough time for gossip and photos.

My friend Robert told me that bike riding is the best therapy. You have all this time outdoors to think about the problems in your life. So the miles until the first rest stop, I was trying to sort out all the stuff I've been going on- all the stuff other than AIDS/LifeCycle.

So at the first rest stop, I stopped to get a few snacks. I stretched my quads and a few other muscles, put on some sunscreen and Chamois Butter. I finally got to meet Linus Altman, somone I've traded e-mails with for the past few months. A week before AIDS/LifeCycle, Linus had a condition where he thought he wasn't going to ride. He is a Positive Pedaler. He put out on the list server asking folks to e-mail him jokes to make him laugh. A few days later, he was cleared by his doctor to ride. When I finally met him, I hugged him for a long time and started crying. His e-mail outlining his condition was a reality check for me - something outlining the day in the life of someone who is HIV positive or living with AIDS.

Some may be lucky because they have the resources and health insurance to keep themselves alive, but in the growing face of AIDS, many are uninsured or do not have the money to pay for the drugs. Especially when more people are living longer lives with the new drugs, there needs to be more money for services. That is why events like AIDS/LifeCycle occur.

As I was getting out of the first rest stop, there was a truck of 5 Latino kids watching the ride with an elderly Latino gentleman. One of the children asked me for my bunny ears on my helmet. I wish I had some things to give to them. I talked to the children and the man in English and Spanish and got a picture with me and the children. As I rode off, I thought about the quote I had on my e-mail signature: "Future generations will turn to you and ask, 'What have you done to end the AIDS pandemic?'" I wondered if these children and countless others will ask me that question. I would answer that I volunteer for different AIDS service organizations and participate for events like California AIDS Ride and AIDS/LifeCycle.

I managed to make it to rest stop 2 before hitting Quadbuster hill. This time, Quadbuster did not phase me. Maybe because I knew the hill. I stretched, hydrated, sunscreened, applied Chamois Butter and headed off. I was totally reminding people to hydrate and ride single file. I got to the top of Quadbuster without getting off my bike. I passed up Caroline and she was walking up the hill. Chicken Lady was greeting us and blessing us with her chicken wand. As I was going downhill, my Cycle Buddy Susan Parish and Craig Hermes, the Associate Marking Director for the San Francisco AIDS/LifeCycle office were there to cheer me on. That really made my day.

I cycled on to lunch. On the way there, I saw a pair of cyclists riding two abreast. There were a few close calls where a vehicle almost hit them. I would yell "Car back" and the woman on the outside didn't move. Luckily some AIDS/LifeCycle staff were actually taking cyclists' numbers if they violate the rules by not calling out, not following traffic signs, riding two abreast and showing unsafe cycling behavior.

So lunch was pretty good. I saw Jan and Glenn get on the sag bus at lunch. They were beat by the heat and fatigued. Jan wished me a safe ride. I saw Jim and Tien eating lunch near the bus. Throughout LifeCycle, people would mistake us, me and Tien, for each other. Now, granted we're both the same height and more or less the same build and both of us are Asian. But Tien wears a pink tutu and pink fishnet stockings while I'm more famous for my scones. People would ask where my tutu is and people would ask Tien if she made scones. Well, Tien had me put on the tutu and braid my hair. I rode off and sucked on the water in my camelback until there was no tomorrow. About 10 miles out of lunch, I felt a headache coming on. I told Mel who was cycling with me (he's a fellow Team Uffda member) that I needed to sweep to the third rest stop. He flagged down a vehicle and I managed to get a ride with some of the rest stop 2 crew since the sweeps were really busy.

I saw Toby at rest stop 3 who had to sag it to camp because of his ankle and knee. We got on the sag bus and Toby had me sit with Linus. Linus and I cracked jokes and talked for a good long time. He told me his story how he was diagosed at 29 that he was positive and how he chose to fight this disease and not let it get the best of him. He told me that he got admitted to San Francisco State University and set his next goal to make it to medical school and hopefully become a general practioner to specialize in AIDS cases. I really admire the determination of Linus, Ben, Mark, Craig, and other Positive Pedalers who decided to fight this disease and make the best of it and participate in events like AIDS/LifeCycle.

At times I wonder -- will I have to bury my new-found friends some day? Many of them have buried partners, boyfriends and friends. Back in the early stages of the epidemic, the weekly schedule would be get-togethers and parties on the weekends and memorial services and funerals on the weekdays. Imagine that calendar being your schedule for the next few years of your life. I can't imagine how I would be if all my friends were to die, one by one, knowing that there is no cure.

Toby and I walked around once we got into camp. We ran into Paul and Pek who were talking at one end of the tents. Paul thought I looked "fetching"- an English term meaning attractive. He liked the tutu.

I showered and had dinner. Ate a whole lot. I still felt the headache so I asked Paul to get me some Gatorade which he walked all the way across camp to do so. I socialized with some folks and watched the webcast and presentations about the Foundation and the Center. I was sooooo excited and pleased that we raised $4.4 million for our first year! All that money to help Warren, Craig, Ben, Linus, and countless others live healthy and digified lives and all that money to help educate communities about HIV and AIDS.

After the program, I went over to talk to Jeff to arrange a time to start writing in my journal. I was walking over with Jeff when I ran into Bain. She and I talked about tomorrow's route. I felt my legs buckle and then everything went black. I woke up to find an oxygen mask on my face, Dr. Goosby and Dr. Allison looking at me, Rich holding my hand and Paul looking worried.

Dr. Anthony was with me in the ambulance, which transported me from the dining hall to the medical tent. I had an IV of fluid and started shaking a lot. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Someone went to get Toby who was my emergency contact person on the ride and Susan (a member of the Crisis Team) went to fetch Linda. I stayed in the medical tent overnight with Toby staying in the next cot. Paul (my Cycle Buddy) stayed for awhile, trying to coach me to sleep and breath normally especially the times that I shivered from the cold even though I was wrapped in layers of blankets.

Sheila was the nurse who accompanied me when I had to go to the restroom during the night. I found out she was Don's wife when Don went to say hello to her in the morning before he rode off (Don and I were on a few training rides together).

So here we are at camp for Day 4. I'll get to the next round of details soon.

I felt really icky this morning. Don was the first person who came by and said hello to me after he said hello to his wife Sheila, who took care of me throughout my overnight stay in the medical tent for dehydration. I found out that Erin was a few cots down. She was dehydrated as well.

Susan and Rachel, another cyclist, came by and said hello. They both started to make me laugh and I started cracking jokes. I soon was so tired from laughing so much. Rachel gave me a hug and said, "The rest stops will be awfully quiet without your laughter and sunny smile." I started to cry.

Paul (a Cycle Buddy) came by to see if I was OK. I noticed last night that I had a different shirt. I was wearing an AIDS/LifeCycle shirt for dinner and I woke up with and AIDS/LifeCycle staff shirt. I asked him why I had a different shirt and he said, "Medical wanted a shirt and I gave them the shirt off my back. I had my wool jersey on of course."

Valerie, a nurse from New York City, took my vitals his morning. She and Paul chatted as she did her duties. She gave me a mix of Gatorade and water. Paul held the bottle while I sipped away.

Toby, Erin and I went to breakfast. Corn flakes with milk and eggs hit the spot. We then got on the bus to head towards Santa Maria, the next camp.

When we got in, Paul (Wisotzky, an SFAF board member) asked how I was feeling. He works with Susan and Craig over at Crisis (Craig happened to visit me last night but I was already falling asleep when Dr. Wayne told me). Both him and William (Bland, SFAF's Prevention Services Director), another crisis staff member, helped me find a quiet place to rest while we waited for Medical to set up.

William found me a van and then another person from Crisis got Sheila to walk me over. Toby stayed in the van to make sure I drank while I slept.

The three of us went to Medical. Toby went off to Sports Medicine to have his knee and ankle checked. Valerie took my vitals and I wrote in her journal that she keeps for her two girls, Alena and Gianna about her experiences from AIDS/LifeCycle. Valerie takes care of AIDS patients at Bellvue Hospital in Manhattan.

I don't think people know how much time and dedication it takes to put on an event like AIDS/LifeCycle. An event like this takes about a year to plan but it happened in three months because of the knowledge and dedication of committed staff and roadie members. The AIDS/LifeCycle staff is so amazing. Once a cyclist signs up for the ride, they are in contact with a Cycle Buddy. These are 6 amazing individuals with a lot of knowledge and talent to help cyclists train for a 7-day, 600-mile event and raise the minimum of $2,500.

I've had the great fortune to know the three Cycle Buddies here in the San Francisco office, Susan, Paul and Stephen. Each of them brings something to the table and they make a great team.

Then there are the roadies. These are the ones who serve us snacks and meals, set up camps and rest stops and lunch stops, mark up the route, go up and down the route to make sure we are ok, transport us to camp when we are too tired to ride, massage our muscles, heal our wounds, give us a shoulder to cry on when we are weary. They come from many walks of life but they all come together for one thing - to help those affected by the AIDS pandemic.

Remember that line of cyclists I told you about a few entries back where we are all connected? Think about adding to that line of staff, cyclists, and roadies all the people that the Center and the Foundation serve - the man who finds out who is HIV positive and goes in for treatment. The 14-year-old girl who calls the AIDS Hotline to answer questions about AIDS. The grandmother who comes in for counseling and support when she finds out her grandaughter is HIV positive. The woman halfway around the world who goes onto the internet to click onto the Foundation's website to find out more about AIDS. All of these people the beneficiaries serve are all in that line, single file, pulling and pushing each other to help us end the suffering cause by AIDS.

Until later...

6:45 pm
So after Valerie cleared me out of the medical tent, I walked over for a much-needed full body massage. I was in the wonderful hands of Betty, a masseuse based in Palm Springs. For a woman in her golden years, she looks great. She is really active and eats a good amount of fruits and veggies, which I hope to get a good amount of. I guess that is why I am eating a veggie menu for the ride (lol!).

I felt so great afterwards that I went to my tent, set it up and walked over with Annette to shower. She lives in Monterey and I met her at the Primavera Century a month ago. We talked about why we rode and she lost a brother and friends to AIDS. I honestly can't imagine losing someone I love to the disease.

I kept on hydrating, drinking a mix of diluted Gatorade and water to keep me hydrated. As the day went on, I felt better and better. Redge, one of the press staff for the Foundation, found me and he had a reporter from the Santa Maria Press interview me. She asked me why I rode and I told her about my reasons for riding to educate the Filipino community about HIV and AIDS. When Jasmine Marshall, the reporter, asked me what message would I send out to the Filipino community about HIV and AIDS (Santa Maria has a big Filipino community), I told her this: "For the youth out there, be responsible and assertive. Look out for your health and your well being. Even if it means being isolated from your family that may come from a different culture and different set of values, don't let that stifle who you are. And to parents and relatives, love your children unconditionally. Even though you may not agree eye to eye, love them for who they are." I started crying while saying this and the photographer Scott was taking pictures.

I sampled some great strawberries and read the e-mails from people logging into the website. I cracked jokes, got a plate for dinner and cheered on cyclists as they came in. I tied a ribbon, a pink one, for Ben to remember him on the LifeCycle spokes. I know that in 3 days, I will resume my normal life as an operations manager at a theater in San Francisco, the place I call home. But the memories will always remain in my heart.

I woke up this morning around 5:30 am feeling really great. Usually when I get up, I am a little on the grouchy side. My hair is all a mess and I don't have my dentures in (yes I sound like some senior citizen but the dentures are from the teeth I lost in the accident). But as soon as I get my teeth in and my hair in its usual pigtails, I'm all set to go.

So as I was heading toward breakfast, people would ask me if I was OK, if I was riding and as the day went on, reminding me to hydrate. A lot of folks said I was sorely missed yesterday and there was a mournful silence. OK, so I do have this very loud and distinctive giggle and I'm always cracking jokes and wisecracks. It's this nice feeling to AIDS/LifeCycle where people look out for each other. You can see that when we're on the road where we are pointing out hazards, calling out when we are passing, turning or slowing down.

Before I sat down to eat, Roland, a cyclist from New York City, came over to me and said, "Did you see your picture in the paper?" I asked him, "What paper?" Roland proceeded to tell me that there was a picture of me in the Santa Maria Times.

Remember in my last journal entry that Jasmine Marshall interviewed me for a story on AIDS/LifeCycle? The photo was not of my usual smiling self but of one where I was getting teary eyed when I started talking about HIV and AIDS in the Filipino community. The picture was taken of me when Jasmine asked me what advice would I give to the community about HIV and AIDS. At first I complained how terrible that picture looked but several folks convinced me that my photo, the one where I am teary eyed, would cause people to read the article.

I had my vitals checked for one last time to make sure I was cleared to ride. And I was cleared and off I went on my bike.

It started off cold and cloudy this morning. I got my usual snack of a bagel with peanut butter covered with trail mix and bananas and kept on drinking Gatorade and water like there is no tomorrow. A few miles out from the first Rest Stop, I stripped off my jacket, armwarmers and legwarmers.

I pedaled a few miles more before I stopped to see a Native American woman burning sage and blessing cyclists. I stopped to have her bless me with sage for a good ride. I remembered seeing this woman outside of Oceano from CAR 8 last year. She has lost 4 brothers and 3 sons to AIDS. She told us that she was up at 4am this morning to find where the cyclists are. After she blessed me with sage, the clouds began to break and the sun came out.

Today's ride was the shortest of the mileage so I enjoyed it. There were still some good hills but most of the time, I was drinking like crazy. There were moments where I let the smell of strawberries wake up my still-sleepy self in the early parts of the ride, not to mention the calls of "on your left" to keep me alert and awake.

I can't believe in a few days, I will be in Southern California, the place of my birth. I totally loved going down the Central Valley, especially through the fields. I am a big fruit and veggie eater, where at one time, my ex-boyfriend Ron gave me the nickname "Fruit Peddler" because I ate fruit with every meal. Seeing the workers on the field make me appreciate where my produce is coming from and the hard work that goes into growing it.

I'm glad the Santa Maria Times article came out with my picture. I'm planning to send a copy of it to my parents and donors. I'm actually hoping that the article will help Ma understand my reasons why I do it. I know both of us don't agree on many things. At times, I wish she could love me for what I do and accept what I do. Throughout the last few months, I'm slowly coming to understand and accept myself in what I do.

There is one quote that I saw on a t-shirt at the Academy of Friends Benefit in San Francisco a few months back. It says, "Don't go down a road that has already been laid out. Go down a place where there is no road and blaze a trail." Doing AIDS/LifeCycle has allowed me to blaze that trail in my life, to speak up about HIV and AIDS in the Filipino community.

Part of me can't believe that in a few days, AIDS/LifeCycle will come to a close. I know that I have new found friends down in Southern California now and in Northern California as well. I wonder do we turn back into our normal selves where we go back to our work and personal lives. How will this experience fit in our normal selves? Do we ever go back to our lives before this event? Probably not.

OK, I need to get back to my tent. Nite for now.

IS HE OR ISN'T HE?

The question of the day. I woke up this morning on the cranky side. 6 days on the road can take a toll on you. I mean, I've been through a lot this week as you can see. I can't believe that it's almost over. In a way, I feel like Cinderella when the clock strikes 12 midnight- fleeing and then after to\morrow afternoon's closing ceremonies, we go back to our normal lives that we live the 51 weeks of the year.

I used the 90-something miles today to think and sort out a lot of things, mostly what I call my boy stuff. As I was going down 101, I remembered my last road trip to Southern California with my ex-boyfriend Ron. It was a few months after California AIDS Ride 8 and we were heading back to the Bay Area after my 10-year high school reunion in Southern California. We drove up highway 101 and played word games and listened to tunes. We discussed how the two of us were going to do CAR 9 together and eventually move to San Francisco together. A few weeks later, we broke up, and then soon, my accident. Ron was my emergency contact and when my friends called him as I was going to the hospital, Ron responded, "I can't take care of her." I think that devastated me more than losing teeth ... losing someone I thought I could trust and love.

The hardest part of getting back on my bike was not the fear of falling but the fear of fallng and wondering who will be there for you. It wasn't until in the spring where I started to slowly begin to trust someone again. However, I still have those fears that he would be like Ron ... where I thought I could trust him with my life, and then he leaves.

I know I am showing you a part of myself that I would not normally do but these were my main thoughts as I was riding. At first, I was wondering if this person was interested in me, trying to analzye every sentence, every action, dissecting and diagramming. OK, borderline obsessive but I was slowly sorting it out. By the time I got back onto the road after lunch, I figured the best thing to do is to talk to him and wonder what to do after AIDS/LifeCycle. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to this person because I have been busy preparing for this event and cycling this week and he, on the other hand, has been really busy with work with 16-hour days. I'm lucky if I have the time to say hello to him.

There is something about cycling along the Pacific Ocean that is therapeutic. A few years ago when I used to run a lot, I would drive down to the Santa Monica Pier and run along the beach when things were rough. I would ride my bike along the Great Highway or across the Golden Gate Bridge to clear my head. Even though it is the same body of water, the smell of the salt water mist in Southern California has sort of a warm, seductive quality to it.

I rode and hydrated and peed as usual. Pak and I talked for a little bit about my dilemma during lunch (Pak is a roadie for the lunch stop). Liz Kinloch had an impromptu water stand and she was handing out water and giving scalp massages with her orgasmitron, which is shaped like a fork that goes around the head and massages the scalp. It feels really wonderful, kind of like ... well ... you know.

After I fueled up at the last rest stop, I sprinted the last 20 miles toward camp, like a woman on a mission. My legs did hurt a little when I came in but a hot shower felt sooooo good!!!

I hope Ma, Pop and Ed come over for Closing Ceremonies to them. I will hand them a copy of the Santa Maria Times with the article and the photo of me. Maybe that will help Ma understand why I do AIDS/LifeCycle and maybe be a little more open and accepting to the idea.

But these 6 days have been magical where I really felt like I made a difference in the fight against AIDS. There is a certain magic that occurs when you do something like this, esepcially when it all falls into place.

And as for my solution with the guy ... I just want us to continue our friendship and see where things go. I hope he is open to that.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)

I am a big music buff and I listen to a variety of songs. One of the songs I had as I was waking up and packing my things is the song, "My Friend" from Drop N Harmony (DNH), a local Bay Area Filipino band. At first, I thought of that song for the person I was trying to sort things out with but then I thought it was appropriate for everyone on the ride. As soon as I get to my lovely place in San Francisco, I'll dig out the lyrics.

Last night, Gwenn Baldwin, Executive Director of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center and Pat Christen, Executive Director of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, thanked all the ALC staff and Roadies on stage. It also marked the last event that Gwenn would do as an Executive Director as she prepares to head back to Oregon to spend time with her family.

I had the great fortune to talk to Gwenn at rest stops and meet her at the Team Uffda/Positive Pedalers mixer before Orientation. I'm sad to see her go and I'm sure she will be truly missed, but it was her vision and courage along with Pat's to make AIDS/LifeCycle happen. I'm glad they both did.

I tied one last ribbon on the AIDS/LifeCycle wheels. I actually tied another one to commemorate my friends I have made on the ride who are HIV positive or living with AIDS...Scott, Bill, Ben, Mark, Craig, Warren, Linus and to remember the ones who I know that I have lost to the disease, David West and Philomena Corrales.

David West was a man who lived in Mission Viejo, CA and I delivered meals to him every week for Laguna Shanti, a small AIDS service organization in Laguna Beach. This was my first AIDS service organization I volunteered for. I started delivering meals once a week during the summer before my fifth year of college. Usually, the clients would leave a cooler to place the meals inside. Some clients would open the door and let you in and other clients would just open the door just a crack to let get the meals, not letting the outside world see how sick they really were.

I always interacted with David's caretaker and David's small yappy white dog. I went away for a week's vacation in San Francisco after I finished taking the MCATs (Medical School entrance exams...yes I was pre-med folks but that's another story). The next week, I looked at my delivery list and David's name wasn't on my route sheet. I then went on to deliver meals in between classes and internships.

It was around finals week for World AIDS Day where I volunteered with UC Irvine Student Health to host the AIDS Quilt. There was a short program for World AIDS Day where new panels for the Quilt were dedicated and David's mother and caretaker brought up a panel. David had passed when I went for a vacation in San Francisco. I went up to David's mother and caretaker and they both recognized me, thanked me for the work I did and we three cried.

Philomena Corrales was the mother of Warren Corrales, the program director for my first political internship program, the Summer Program for Empowerment and Leadership, a 10 week internship program for high school, college and graduate school students of Filipino descent. Philomena was in her mid 50s, a widow, the mother of two grown children, a devout Catholic woman and excited to be a grandmother. Philomena was very sick and Warren juggled between tending to us 12 interns and tending to his sick mother.

During the middle of the program, Philomena passed away and we 12 interns went to the funeral Mass to pay our respects. Usually one would find a throng of folks at the funeral Mass but there was only a handful of people...25 or so. Many people were speaking in hushed whispers, some did not know that Philomena was sick.

After the Mass, Warren gathered us 12 together. With tears in his eyes and in a voice no louder than a whisper, he said, "My mom died of AIDS." He went on to tell us that his mother contracted HIV from his father who contracted it from an infected blood transfusion before HIV was screened in blood. Philomena died in 1994. It was that point when I realized how much AIDS was not talked about in the Filipino community. This basically sums up in a nutshell why I ride- to educate the public about HIV and AIDS in the Filipino community. But as Scott Moore once said, "I digress..."

So last night after adding a few more entries to my journal, I ran into Paul. We sat down and had a long talk about things. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought as it would be. We will still be friends after AIDS/LifeCycle and well, we'll just see what happens. Yes I am a little disappointed in how things turned out but I do love and value our friendship just as much if not more.

So there was one last breakfast with the food service crew. Thank you Claire, Rene and the others for serving us great grub! I decided to indulge and have a piece of chicken fried steak for breakfast. OK, so I do eat chicken and fish once in awhile. I then towed my gear bag to the truck and thanked the folks over at gear for handling my stuff. Then off I rode.

I know when I am in Southern California, my old stomping grounds, when I see Ralphs and Vons grocery stores, cars driving by with Lakers flags and tall California palm trees standing up like paint brushes in the sky. For awhile, I loathed going back to Southern California, especially my hometown, because I felt so out of place for being away for so long. Yes, I still have my Southern Cali roots where I cheer for the Lakers and the Dodgers and long for chicken at Koo Koo Roo (even though there is one in San Francisco) and a burger at Tommy's and good Korean food in Koreatown.

I still have some things to sort out with my family which I know in time will work out. However, meeting Jan, Glenn, Mel, Bill and Tom, Ken, Bruce, David and Martin, Matito, Corrine, Lisa, Michael, Mike and Ellen, Warren and Jim, Alicia, Doug and other Southern California Team Uffda members and other Southern Cali cyclists and roadies made the trip to Southern Cali not so bad. They have become my extended family. Now going back to San Bernardino is another bag of worms. I digress...

So as I am pedaling along and zooming down the highway, the song that goes into my head is "The Caterpillar" by The Cure. Comparing myself last year as a rider in CAR 8 and a cyclist in AIDS/LifeCycle, I have become very different. I was so new coming into CAR 8. I still trained but not enough. I barely made my minimum. I was unsure of myself and not getting the family support I would have liked to have during this event.

Even though I had my accident late last year, I somehow evolved and grew up coming into AIDS/LifeCycle. Alexandra, a woman at bike parking, was amazed at my recovery. I think it's my good health and stubborn spirit where I wouldn't give up that got me to recover so quickly. Alicia, an EMT at Medical, has totally seen the change within me. I'm really glad she came along for AIDS/LifeCycle. I helped her out the last minute to make that all possible. Yes there are some things I still need to work on but I honestly felt I have grown up a lot since CAR 8.

Honestly, my boy problems seem really petty compared to others. I'm really thankful for a lot of the Pos Peds for this year's ride. Thank you Linus, Wilfredo, Ben, Bill and yes Rich too for just letting me cry that one time when things just seemed so bad.

Yes these guys do worry about their life, health and medications but of course they have their share of things to wrestle with and goals of their own. Like Warren and his partner JIm buying their own home. Craig thinking of climbing Mount Kilamanjaro. Mark volunteering in yet another political campaign in San Francisco. Bill dealing with hundreds of cyclists as a Cycle Buddy down in the Los Angeles AIDS/LifeCycle office. Linus getting admitted to San Francisco State University. Ben playing tunes on his piano and pondering the idea of being a training ride leader. Rodney cycling with the Oakland Yellowjackets.

These folks are living with HIV and AIDS but certainly they did not choose the path where they were just going to give up and die. They are truly my heroes.

I had one last bagel sandwhich at Rest Stop one. I took a little more time to chit chat with a lot of people since many of them I won't see until next year for AIDS/LifeCycle 2 (believe me, I want to be the first San Francisco cyclist registered). A couple of friends of David and Martin's passed out Kripsy Kremes at an impromptu rest stop. There was a family of two women and two children cheering us cyclists. The little girl had pom poms. I think that was yesterday's ride. There was a young man with a sign saying. "R U My Viagra." I turned to the cyclist behind me and said, "I don't think he was referring to me."

After Rest Stop 2, Jan told me the shortcut to not climb the hill to Pepperdine University. I decided to climb that hill anyways. Another woman named Jan once advised to climb a hill on your birthday to get all the negative energy out. This was the last major climb of AIDS/LifeCycle and I can feel all the stuff that was weighing me down tumble out, mostly the awkwardness of seeing my family and things with me and Paul (OK, I will admit Paul is the person I was sorting things out with.) He's a real good guy.

I had a good conversation with a few folks like Jim who was Tien's tentmate (BTW, Tien and I are coming up with some costume ideas for ALC 2), Tim is a doctor in San Francisco and Lori, an attorney in San Francisco - both I met on the last training ride in Napa. I spent most of lunch taking photos and being chatty and social since that was the last rest stop.

I said goodbye to Pak, who had an early flight to San Francisco so that she could spend time with her sister before she left. Pak goes back to the Netherlands at the end of this month and she has become like a little sister on AIDS/LifeCycle. Then off I went down the coast, letting the Pacific Ocean's waves help me reflect and focus on the last 7 magical days.

Our kindess and caring for each other was organically grown, not genetically engineered by some mantras and quotes. We pointed out hazards, made sure each person hydrated, pitched tents, fetched food and drinks, massaged muscles, and cracked jokes and smiles and provided tissues and shoulders to cry on.

As I was getting close to West Hollywood, I started to reflect upon the last 5 months. It was like a little film of all the highlights of training rides, speakers bureau engagements, e-mails, lunches, get-togethers, etc. all culminating to AIDS/LifeCycle. I started getting teary-eyed as I got closer to West Hollywood Park.

As cyclists and roadies alike greeted me in, I just stood at the gate and started to cry. I hugged Susan my Cycle Buddy and just cried. I never thought that I would ever make it to this day 5 months ago. I thought I would have to sit it out because of my accident.

I got my AIDS/LifeCycle t-shirt, a bright yellow one and hugged other cyclists and roadies. Stephen got me a photo of me cycling on Day 6. When I ride, I look like I'm a woman with a mission and people should get out of the way. I saw Paul and he congratulated me with a real big hug.

I saw David, the photojournalist taking photos of Ben during his journey. We waited for Ben at the finish line and we saw him and both of us rushed over to him. Ben was wearing a red lei and his Positive Pedalers jersey and black leggings. He and I hugged and both of us cried. Ben got his wish of riding into West Hollywood with rhinestones on his bike helmet which Stasha helped glue on.

Scott Moore grabbed me to say a few bits for the Webcast before we went over to bike parking to ride into the intersection of Santa Monica Blvd and San Vicente. Tom, Bill's partner, gave me a plethora of scone mixes. We waited, hydrated, did the wave and squirted water bottles as if they were champaign.

Then the ride into throngs of cheering crowds and smiling faces. We were all one big rainbow, roadies and cyclists alike. Pat and Gwenn said their remarks and Gwenn tied the final ribbon onto the LifeCycle wheels, which were so full of love and hope. All of us, donors, staff, cyclists and roadies joined hands and blazed our own trail to a successful fundraiser to help those with AIDS.

After the ceremonies were over, we walked our bikes to the park and the meet and greet area for our guests. I ran into Ma and Pop, whom I haven't seen in 9 months. Ma cried more than I did after hugging me. It was a little awkward. It was great to see Pop looking healthy and wearing his Dodger cap. I gave Ma the Santa Maria Times article and Ma gave me pictures from CAR 8.

Ed, my brother, came up. I didn't even recognize him at first. He was heavier than I last saw him. I went to put my bike on the truck to be shipped and get my gear. My best friend from high school, Rachel, picked me up. I decided to stay at Rachel's place in Westwood. I know there is still some work to be done with my family.

Rachel and I caught up on old times. She treated me to a meal at Koo Koo Roo, yummy chicken with sides of peas and squash, and yes, two donuts from Winchells, a childhood treat. She had plans but I opted to stay in and type up my journal and take a nice long bubble bath. We're going to go for breakfast tomorrow and then off I go take the train up the coast to San Francisco. Thanks to Bob Katz, Northern California Pos Peds.

As for my after AIDS/LifeCycle plans - sleep, a nice massage, a weekend where I can have brunch and read the Sunday New York Times, a lazy Saturday where I just hop on MUNI and wander around the neighborhoods and read books, a few nights where I can watch television, see a few movies and plays I've been waiting to see, a few rides on my bike, ride the Surf City Century in September to benefit the Santa Cruz AIDS Project, lining up a new job, working with my mentor on my future goals to run for political office in a few years, planning to ride the Pos Peds in Southern Cal next year and help staff the pits for the Northern Cali Pos Peds Century, looking forward to volunteering for the California AIDS Hotline, hanging out with my roommates, doing stuff with my new AIDS/LifeCycle pals, catching up with my non AIDS/LifeCycle pals, sorting out issues with my family, planning for AIDS/LifeCycle 2, baking, cooking Filipino food, writing my thank you letters, getting my pictures developed and living my life fully and beautifully with that sunny smile and giggle that has become my trademark.

OK, so this overachieving Filipina's planner is getting a tad bit full...(hands on hips).